Everyone knows that reality shows are about as real as Donald Trump’s hair. The most notoriously cheesy shows have always been the pseudo hook up shows. We’re talkin’ ‘bout The Bachelor, Who Wants To Marry A Millionaire and so on. Despite their obviously loosely scripted drama, people can’t seem to get enough, and the top provider of love-based competition is (by far) VH1.

VH1 has given us such small screen gold as Flavor of Love, I Love New York, Shot At Love and of course, Rock of Love. All three of these shows use the exact same premise. 20 people compete for the ‘affection’ of a washed up B/C list celeb (Maybe even D list in the case of New York), trying to win time alone with the star of the show. After the first season of Flavor of Love, it became readily apparent that ‘competing’ for affection really just meant throwing yourself at Flav as though he were the last man on the planet and the existence of the human race depended on you. This process is, of course, completely fueled by alcohol. Each episode ends up looking like some sort of middle school make out party enhanced with silicone and Botox.

As is the case with most ‘reality’ shows, real life only takes over once the cameras are off. Flavor of Love will soon begin its 3rd season, and Flav has yet to find the right woman, even though he has claimed to love both of his past winners. Bret Michaels is wrapping up season 2 of his show, hoping the second time around he’ll land the former stripper of his dreams. New York was proposed to on her season finale, but entertainment news sources have widely documented the fact that she never spoke to any of the contestants after they went off the air.

Are we to believe that nobody can love a middle aged, Viking helmet wearing hype man with a clock around his neck? What about the rock star trying to relive his glory days and cover his male pattern baldness with an array of bandanas? The chain smoking, loud mouthed, two-time Flavor of Love reject?

In the end, it doesn’t matter if they find love, because that’s not what anybody wants to see. We want to see fights, arguments, tiny outfits and binge drinking. Besides, if any of these people actually found love, there’d be no need for any more seasons. It has to be fake to keep going, and much like professional wrestling, everyone knows it but we all just kind of look the other way.

For now, we should all just be glad that there’s no shortage of minor celebs who are willing to turn their personal lives into a game show for our amusement. You gotta ‘love’ it.

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